Being Straight Up: Just Ask The Questions

I thought I was never going to talk about relationships in-depth but that wouldn’t be on-brand. The blog is about ‘being extra everything’. Everything is no exception to our love escapades. Besides, whether we admit it or not, relationships and money are everyone’s favourite content, so keep a lookout for ‘storytime’ type of blog posts where I will share personal encounters. Today, though, I just thought I would throw some food for thought your way.

Why is it so awkward to ask questions? Wouldn’t life be easier if we laid out our expectations from the get-go? We go through life acting like we are okay with the status-quo of our relationships just to make the next person comfortable.

I work in a team of young adults ranging from ages 26 to 31. It comes as no surprise that a lot of our conversations on a day-to-day are around finding a life partner and manouvering around relationship challenges. During one of our conversations/debates, I realised the importance of establishing what one really wants out of a relationship during the first conversations with a potential partner. Is it it too forward? Maybe it is but the way dating is so complex in our times, such conversations work towards clarifying any ambiguities. Questions like ‘what are you looking for?’, ‘ what are your intentions?’ and ‘is marriage an end goal for you?’ may be uncomfortable but absolutely necessary.

Imagine being with someone who wants the relationship to develop at the same pace and manner as you do. Imagine the security and peace-of-mind you would have knowing that you guys are intentional about everything that you do separately because it works for your union. I am sure even being reckless slaps different if you are with someone you have been open to about your ways and is 100% supportive of your recklessness.

We live in a time where telling someone you love them is not enough. Damn, even having sex with a person is not enough to seal a relationship. When I was growing up, and I imagine even before then, these two acts were sacred. Sex was for married people and the moment you told someone you loved them that was it! There weren’t any situationships.

Now, we all know someone who also knows a person who invested heavily in a situation whilst their significant other did not have the time to because they were too busy playing the field. For example, as a man whose end goal is to get a wife, courting a woman that is terrified of commitment and would rather date casually will not bring you any closer to achieving that goal. Similarly, if a woman devotes herself to a man that has not expressed his intentions or his vision for a life that includes her, she will have a bitter pill to swallow years later when she has to walk away.

Hearts are broken, time is wasted and vengeance is sought. It’s avoidable beloved… just ask the questions.